A short list of things I've been working on
Dispatches from a work-in-progress House Troll slash Slightly Overdressed Professor
Welcome to the Esther Studio newsletter! I’m Carly, PhD, a marketing professor and artist living in the Midwest. I like talking about personal style, and I spend a lot of time making jewelry. If this sounds fun to you, keep reading and consider subscribing so we can see more of each other!
I’ve been thinking about this newsletter - specifically about the fact that when I write to you, I often assume the position of “expert” or “enthusiast.” When I do this, I think you might miss the messier parts of my life. From my mental health to my bank account to my outfits, I’m a work in progress. This is to be assumed, but let’s make it explicit.
My sister recently texted the family group chat: “January was a long year.”
I know this is a very common sentiment right now, and it’s certainly one that I share. On top of the ever-distressing news cycle, I feel a bit beat. This time of year - when my schedule is at its busiest and my energy is at its lowest - I start to get a little frantic. My to-do lists start to feel impossible.
My recent outfits reflect both my desire to hibernate and my requirement to be on campus. Sartorially, I’m either a House Troll or a Slightly Overdressed Professor. There’s not really a lot in between those two poles. Getting dressed for work has been a salve. The routine of it all, the fun of mixing and matching, the comfort. It’s all important.
I recently noticed four changes when it comes to my mindset and habits around clothes, getting dressed, and shopping. These are things that kind of crept up when I wasn’t looking, but I’m so glad they did. I’m sharing them below not to say that I’m finished, but to show you that I’m in the middle of things, learning. When so much around me feels unsettled and negative, it’s nice to find some bright little lights.
1. Embracing uniform dressing
Something I know intimately about myself is that I’m a variety seeker. I love novelty. Over the past year, this has often expressed itself as me very much experimenting with my style - trying out entirely new silhouettes, color combinations, and aesthetics. When I did my roundup of my favorite outfits of 2024, I noticed that variety acutely. I spotted some good attempts, some flops, and some hits. I could see very clearly what worked and what didn’t.
I think, for now, I’m quite happy to chill out with the fashion experiments and enjoy some reliable themes. That being said, I’m not an outfit repeater. Because I love the fun of putting together new outfits, you likely won’t see me wear the exact combination of items over and over again.
To make my life a little simpler during this busy season, I’ve been embracing uniform dressing in my own way. Specifically, I’ve found that there are a few “outfit recipes” that really work for me, both mentally and physically, so I’m relying on them for the time being. For the winter season, they include:
Mini skirt + fun blouse or jacket + heeled knee-high boots
Trousers + slim top + cardigan or vest + heeled ankle boots
Midi skirt + t-shirt + jacket or sweater + heeled ankle boots
Within these recipes, I can mix and match items in infinite ways and generally know that they’ll work out well. That being said, if I get bored, I’ll let you know.
2. Accepting and embracing wear and tear
I’m a bit obsessive about clothing care and maintenance. I think part of me has always been averse to the idea of wear and tear on my clothes. This means I’ll often avoid wearing certain items for fear of ruining them. Or, if they become stained or torn, I’ll never wear them again.
I know enough about sustainability to know this is not a good trait. I also know enough about my mental health to see that my incessant need to appear “perfect” is showing up here.
Thankfully, my recent fixation on secondhand and vintage clothing and accessories has shown me that wear and tear is natural and acceptable. Flaws show that an item is well loved. If I lean into uniform dressing, as I’m trying to do, I need to expect and deal with my clothes taking a bit of a beating. That’s life.
I was directly confronted with this mindset earlier this week. I’d picked up a navy blue leather bag at the thrift store and wanted to give it some love, so I slathered it in leather moisturizer and navy blue shoe polish before its first outing. An hour into wearing it over a tan-colored trench coat, I looked down and noticed a faint line of navy blue smeared across my trench coat. Oh!
I’ll be investigating some stain-removal options, but I’m kind of at peace with the idea that this is how my coat looks now. Leaving it, at least for the time being, is an exercise in letting go.
3. Searching secondhand first
I think the thrill of a thrift store bargain has changed the way my brain processes price tags. I’ve seen what my hard-earned dollars can get me secondhand, and I’m not sure I can cope with what some brands are charging for new items anymore.
I’m phrasing this tentatively - because who knows what the future holds - but, for now, I’m just noticing that if I want something, I’m searching secondhand websites before looking elsewhere. I’m not going to hold myself up as the most virtuous consumer of all time, but this is an interesting development.
If we’re talking purely about saving money here, there are still some hitches.
I need to constantly talk myself down from buying something secondhand because there’s “only one.” Thankfully, this often untrue. There are always more lurking in a different corner of the internet, I just need to know how and where to look. There’s no need to be impulsive, because I can absolutely waste money this way.
I can feel my perfectionist tendencies emerging in yet another arena. I got it in my head that a vintage red leather bag would cure all my problems, but of course the nicest ones - the ones without stains or tears - are hundreds of dollars. This is fine, but if I buy one of these pristine cuties I cannot tell myself I’m saving money.
Deciphering what is and isn’t worth the money, both secondhand and new, will be an ongoing project for me.
4. Stepping back from brand worship
I recently hosted two secondhand markets on campus. For the occasion, I did a bit of a declutter of my own professor wardrobe to see if I could sell a few things I’m no longer wearing. This was enlightening! The resulting rack was filled mainly with three specific brands that, at one point or another, have been my go-to sources for clothes.
Seeing the clothes laid out this way made me realize how much I latch onto certain brands’ stories to the detriment of my style and my wallet. As a marketing professor, this is very humbling, but also realistic. I know few of us are immune to the promises brands make us, but I could stand to be more critical.
I’d love to step back from following brands as closely as I do. I only follow a few to the extent that I receive and open their marketing emails, but those email are very powerful. I know, on some level, that when they release a new collection I take it as a manual for what I should be wearing. I don’t want to keep letting brands set the agenda like this, because - as my clothing rack of decluttered pieces tells me - this doesn’t mean I’ll love or even wear what I buy.
Sitting in the mess
It does make me feel a bit vulnerable to show you these work-in-progress parts of myself, but thanks for being here nonetheless. I know many of you have been open with me about your challenges, both style and otherwise. It’s only fair that I share my own so we can find even more ways to connect and grow together.
I like to think of my wardrobe and my personal style as being dynamic, or constantly in flux. If this is true, it’s not realistic to expect myself or anyone else to have it all figured out, all the time. Acknowledging this is freeing in its own way, as is not moving to “fix” things in a hurry. Sometimes, we just have to sit in the mess.
If I step back from my perfectionism, I feel optimistic. Spotting mindset shifts as they’re occuring is kind of cool. Where will I, and we, end up?
I’d love to hear what you’re working through when it comes to your personal style. Let me know in a comment or an email reply! Works in progress are welcome here.